I’m always being told how I must feel about men. Rumour has it that the common feminist hates men and in fact wants to live in a land where men are our slaves, milked for their sperm ready for artificial insemination because –of course- feminists are well known for their hatred of sex and all things fun. Sadly, although it’s much easier to poke fun at this caricature of a feminist, this isn’t the case. Let’s also remember that a lot of men are feminists too. I’m sure there is a portion of feminists who do hate men and everything they stand for, but this is a separate issue to feminism entirely – they are feminists who are also misandrists. A misandrist is the female equivalent of a misogynist and one can exist without the other. Those sort of man-hating monsters have been created by the world they’ve experienced and it does make you question what must those experiences have been like to be able to write off a whole gender like that. While the reasons behind it are no better than a “a black person once gave me a dirty look so now I’m racist” type of justification, they are the same things that us peaceful equality-seeking non-misandrist feminists can try to correct thus stopping the hatred. Nothing good has ever come from mass hatred and I’d stick up for any man being berated for his gender as I would a woman. If you’ve been victim of an angry feminist, I apologise, that must have been terrible. But please spare a thought to the 20 other women who have been the victims of angry men for every one of you that has experienced the former – I think the playing field is still somewhat uneven. In all seriousness though, nobody should treat anybody disrespectfully because of their gender, race, sexual orientation or otherwise.
I’m rambling now. Can we just not? I love men! I just love womankind and myself more because we need that love more than men do. Men are taught not to worry or beat themselves up over things that are instilled in us as the be all and end all from a young age. Men are allowed to get away with things that women simply can’t. It is far easier for a man to succeed in his career than it is for a woman. Men don’t need to fear walking alone in a dark place in case someone decides to rape them (of course this sadly does happen to men as well but I’m referring to the majority here). So I feel that, while I love men, I need to love women more because we aren’t shown a lot of love by society. In my day to day life I get along with men just fine, contrary to popular belief I don’t analyse their every word in the hope that I can sink my teeth into any tiny morsel of sexism or prejudice. Just because I take issue with the institutionalised sexism that plagues our society does not mean I take issue with you, your brother or your grandad. Having a dick doesn’t put you in the firing line of my feminist wrath, however being a dick does. Speaking logically, if I were to treat you a certain way for being male I would be no better than the misogynists I pit myself against – so why the assumption that the word “feminist” equates to “hates boys – do not approach”? I’d be going against my own beliefs. Misandry is no better than misogyny folks.
There is also this gross assumption that feminists are anti-sex and generally are known as party poopers – dampening the mood of any mildly sexual scenario nearby. Let me be really clear: we love sex. Being asexual isn’t synonymous with being a feminist in the slightest. I think this myth probably comes from the idea that because we don’t like the portrayal of women as sex objects in the media that we don’t like sex full stop…My take on it is that it’s the misrepresentation of our sexuality that is the most offensive – not because some really hot girl is nearly naked on a magazine cover and we’re just “jealous” of her hotness. We’re often portrayed as just being pretty holes for someone to put their dick in, there isn’t a terrible amount of regard to our pleasure or the fact that women even enjoy sex at all – because that doesn’t seem to matter. So really we take more issue with the refusal to acknowledge that we are sexually empowered all on our own and don’t require a man to whip it out for our loins to magically ignite. If anything we love sex so much that we hate how wrong the media gets it, we care about the way our sexuality is presented to the public because it’s so important.
Bottom line: we like men and we like sex. Now that’s settled, let’s put a stop to the childish “well you’re frigid” retort now shall we? Fin.
3 thoughts on “Feminism Myth #2: We Hate Men…And Sex”
> Rumour has it that the common feminist hates men
Hatred is not quite the right word (although it certainly can be applicable). Slave owners do not ‘hate’ their slaves, they simply view them as lesser, and exploit them without any feeling of guilt. Feminism – by definition – views men as lesser because feminism defines men as sociopaths (I’ll explain why in a moment) and feminism exploits men for their resources and general utility (He for She) while ignoring or belittling men’s issues and men’s rights.
Whether feminists hate men or not is irrelevant. The fact is (a) men have less legal rights than women. and (b) throughout history men’s roles have been unenviable compared to women’s roles, yet feminists still choose to play the innocent and helpless victim, while portraying men as evil and all powerful oppressors of women.
> and in fact wants to live in a land where men are our slaves, milked for their sperm ready for artificial insemination because –of course- feminists are well known for their hatred of sex and all things fun. Sadly, although it’s much easier to poke fun at this caricature of a feminist, this isn’t the case.
Feminism is based around ‘patriarchy theory’ which claims men have systematically oppressed women for their benefit and at women’s expense. Men have their most intimate and loving relationships with women (wives, GF’s, sisters, mothers, daughters) and so to claim men systematically oppress women is to define men as sociopaths. Only a sociopath can oppress those he is closest to. If depicting men as sociopaths isn’t hateful I don’t know what is.
Whether all feminists INTEND to be so hateful is another matter. I personally don’t think most ‘casual’ feminists really understand how hateful, insulting and toxic the feminist ideology they support actually is (to both men and women). They have been told that “If you support gender quality you’re a feminist! Yay!” and who can argue with that?
All hateful and destructive ideologies present themselves as ‘no brainer’ good causes. “If you support a strong and empowered Germany, want to celebrate German culture and defend Germany from outside threats you are a Nazi! Yay!”…… who can argue with that? Millions of Germans fell for it. Nothing has changed.
Even the most moderate feminist must support patriarchy theory, given that it is a cornerstone of feminism. If they don’t then feminism is officially just a dangerous mob / cult with no actual core principles at all, where the majority have no idea where they are being lead or what agendas they are really supporting. I am happy to go with that definition of feminism.
In any case, women can indeed milk men for their sperm. A woman is legally entitled to lie about contraception or sabotage contraception (eg poke holes in a condom) or get pregnant by any other deceitful means and then force the man at gunpoint to pay for her lifestyle choice for the next 18 years. The man has no legal defence in this scenario. Or a woman can simply name a man as the father even when he isn’t the father and still extract money from him, and refuse a paternity test when he complains. Women can even rape an underaged male, get pregnant by him and then get him to pay child payments after he comes of age (and yes this has actually happened). If the rape victim refuses to pay his rapist, he is put in a cage. If he tries to escape he is shot. He for she.
Women have the legal right to have reckless, drunk, irresponsible sex and get pregnant as a result, and then abort the foetus, or give it up for adoption – even against the man’s wishes. A man who behaves the exact same way has no equivalent rights. He has no right to terminate the pregnancy, or to stop her from terminating it and deny him his child. His wishes either way count for nothing. He for she.
Basically a man has zero rights over his sperm once he has ejaculated. A woman has the full legal right to control of a man’s sperm and do with it as she pleases (sending the man the bill for the next 18 years if she wants), including inseminating herself from his used condom and having his child against his wishes and getting him to pay for it for 18 years (and yes this also happens).
If that doesn’t qualify as the right to ‘milk men for their sperm’ then I don’t know what would. Feminists do not campaign for men to be afforded the same (or equivalent) reproductive rights as women because gender equality in this case give women less freedoms and less entitlements. Feminism is about ‘he for she’ and not gender equality.
‘Gender equality’ on this issue would mean men having the legal right to absolve themselves of the legal/ financial/ social obligations of fatherhood during the same time period a woman is legally entitled to do THE SAME THING by having an abortion. This would still allow the woman to choose whether to raise the child on her own, or have an abortion (or have it and put it up for adoption). If feminism is about gender equality why does it not campaign for men to have the same reproductive rights as women?
> Those sort of man-hating monsters have been created by the world they’ve experienced and it does make you question what must those experiences have been like to be able to write off a whole gender like that.
I agree…. but you insinuate that man-hating women have been conditioned to be that way by men, but there is every chance they have been conditioned that way by women (cough feminists cough). The number of feminist man hating women has increased as single motherhood has increased.
It is natural (logical) that in a single mother household the children (boys and girls) are only going to hear the mother’s side of the story, and never get to hear the father’s side of the story. The mother will also be inclined to sit around the kitchen table with other single mothers and bitch about the men, again not presenting their side of the story. Children of single mother households will often grow up hearing nothing but vitriol about their father and about men in general, while women get portrayed as innocent paragons of virtue who are always the victim.
It is no surprise that man hating women and/ or feminists tend to come from single mother households. A single mother upbringing is also (statistically) the biggest single predictor of criminality, depression, violence, gang culture, teenage pregnancy etc. Most rapists (male and female) also had single mother upbringings. Just saying.
> If you’ve been victim of an angry feminist, I apologise, that must have been terrible.
But what about a calm and collected feminist saying offensive things about men (and indeed about women) but without getting hysterical? If you apologise for the offensive things feminists say, aren’t you admitting they speak for you (as a fellow feminist)?
A lot for feminists apologise for the behaviour of other feminists, and then go on to explain that ‘not all feminists are like that’. I have never, ever heard of a feminist telling another feminists to not say offensive things, or telling a feminist her offensive views are not welcome in the church of feminism. No feminist has ever been kicked out of feminism, not even when they say they want men to be exterminated.
The ONLY thing which you can do to get yourself ostracised by feminists is to actively promote men’s rights.
> But please spare a thought to the 20 other women who have been the victims of angry men.
Individual men do not represent all men. But individual feminists do represent feminists. Men is not an ideology. But feminism is. Also what is your source for the claim that angry men outnumber angry women 20:1? Or are you just making that statistic up to run men into the dirt? If another feminist did that would you apologise on her behalf for putting men down like that? Would you tell her to not say such things in the name of feminism?
> I think the playing field is still somewhat uneven.
We live in a society where Matt Taylor was forced by feminists to apologise (and reduced to tears) for wearing a shirt with scantily clad ladies on it. A shirt given to him by a female friend and fashion designer. Tim Hunt had his career destroyed by feminists for daring to observe how female scientists can be prone to being more outwardly emotional in the workplace environment (a claim also made by many a feminist).
Meanwhile Julie Bindle (Guardian journalist and feminist) recently wrote (in the Guardian) that men should be put into camps. A few years ago the women on The View laughed hysterically at a news story about a women who cut off her husband’s penis and threw it in the trash just because he wanted a divorce. None of these women lost their jobs or suffered public shaming.
The playing field does appear to be rather uneven, but not in the way you suggest.
> I love men!
And I’m sure slave owners love their slaves!
> I just love womankind and myself more because we need that love more than men do.
So you are not really an advocate of gender equality after all. Can you imagine a white person saying “I just love whites and my white self more because we need that love more than blacks do”?
> Men are taught not to worry or beat themselves up over things that are instilled in us as the be all and end all from a young age.
Yes, just as slaves are taught not to worry or beat themselves up over things that are instilled in slave owners as the be all and end all from a young age….. just as serfs are taught not to worry or beat themselves up over things that are instilled in the aristocracy as the be all and end all from a young age…. etc etc.
> Men are allowed to get away with things that women simply can’t.
For the exact same crimes men are statistically far more likely to be arrested, charged, convicted than women, and when convicted men are given 60% longer prison sentences than women for the same crimes. It is far more socially acceptable for a woman to hit or harass a man, than for a man to hit or harass a woman – in public or in the home. You can go to YT and watch videos of social experiments which show this. It is less socially acceptable for a man to hit a woman in self defence, than for a woman to hit a man for no reason at all. For decades we have known that domestic violence in not a gendered issue (men make up 50% of the victims), but feminists have suppressed this data and defined domestic violence as a female only issue. We are only now just starting to break free of this propaganda. Google Erin Pizzey.
Just the other week a woman raped a man who was passed out drunk in a car park. She was charged with drunken behaviour but not rape.
By every criteria women are able to get away with more than men.
> It is far easier for a man to succeed in his career than it is for a woman.
Nope. Women have the same barriers to entry as men. In fact in many cases women enjoy ‘affirmative action’ which means legalised sexual discrimination against men/ in favour of women ….. although ultimately this works against women by devaluing women’s worth in the marketplace (by defining women as less capable than men). Another way feminism harms women in the long term.
> Men don’t need to fear walking alone in a dark place in case someone decides to rape them (of course this sadly does happen to men as well but I’m referring to the majority here).
Men are statistically more at risk of violence in public than women. Men receive far less support, shelters, helplines and legal assistance than women when they are victims. And men get next to no sympathy too (as you just demonstrated).
> So I feel that, while I love men
You do not love men. You have just admitted that you think men deserve less love and less sympathy than women. That is not ‘loving men’. Perhaps you love the things that men can DO for you … the services which they provide such as sex, flattery, a dancing partner, jokes, stimulating conversation, protection, empathy, a shoulder to cry on etc, but that is not the same as actually loving men themselves as human beings equal to yourself.
> I need to love women more because we aren’t shown a lot of love by society.
Western women are the most protected, legally and socially entitled, privileged, well catered for, venerated, idolised and pampered demographic in human history.
> Having a dick doesn’t put you in the firing line of my feminist wrath, however being a dick does.
Yes it does. How can you be a feminist without supporting ‘patriarchy theory’?
> …why the assumption that the word “feminist” equates to “hates boys – do not approach”?
Because feminists make signs which say “Teach boys/ men not to rape” This implies males are naturally rapists who have to be taught to not rape. This is what boys (and girls) are taught in schools. Male sexuality = the desire to rape. Male sexuality must be disabled or firewalled somehow in order for men to not pose a threat to women. Teaching boys their blossoming sexuality is the urge to rape women is ITSELF a form of sexual abuse. And it also traumatises young women too, and so when boys walk down the street and young women act wary and distrustful, this only reinforces the conditioning that their natural male sexuality poses a genuine threat to women. It’s like if everyone gags whenever you enter the room this will make you sincerely believe you smell. Feminism defines boys and men as a threat to civilised (feminine) society, and feminism, defines maleness as defective femaleness.
Feminism and its rape culture programming – which has infected schools and politics all the way to the UN – is toxic for both girls and boys. It is destroying our capacity to have functional, trustworthy, loving relationships. And the more dysfunctional male/ female relationships become the more it drives women into the arms of feminism/ government. Ka Ching!
> There is also this gross assumption that feminists are anti-sex and generally are known as party poopers – dampening the mood of any mildly sexual scenario nearby.
Actually 3rd wave sex positive feminists have turned sex into narcissistic hedonism. In the process they have destroyed the language of consent, and redefined it as some sort of post modern form of ‘self expression’ and fashion (rather than a set of extremely useful and important non verbal cues – a form of vital social communication between men and women). And after destroying/ trivialising the language of consent they wonder why young men and women struggle to communicate. Their solution is to introduce consent forms. But this is just an admission that they have destroyed men/ women’s ability to communicate. 200,000 years of sophisticated nonverbal social communication destroyed in a couple of generations by feminists 😦
> Let me be really clear: we love sex. Being asexual isn’t synonymous with being a feminist in the slightest. I think this myth probably comes from the idea that because we don’t like the portrayal of women as sex objects in the media that we don’t like sex full stop…
It’s not a myth. 1st and 2nd wave feminists ACTUALLY DID speak out against sex in very strong terms for decades. Here are some examples of feminists in their own words. See if you notice a common theme…..
“The annihilation of a woman’s personality, individuality, will, character, is prerequisite to male sexuality.” — Andrea Dworkin
“All men are rapists and that’s all they are” — Marilyn French, Authoress
“Men use the night to erase us.” — Andrea Dworkin
“I claim that rape exists any time sexual intercourse occurs when it has not been initiated by the woman, out of her own genuine affection and desire.” — Robin Morgan
“The institution of sexual intercourse is anti-feminist” — Ti-Grace Atkinson
”Feminism is the theory, lesbianism is the practice.” — Ti-Grace Atkinson
“When a woman reaches orgasm with a man she is only collaborating with the patriarchal system, eroticizing her own oppression.” — Sheila Jeffrys
“All sex, even consensual sex between a married couple, is an act of violence perpetrated against a woman.” — Catherine MacKinnon
Like the majority of modern feminists you have absolutely no clue about the movement to which you belong. Feminism is both anti AND pro sex…… it is just another set of contradictions….. like defining women as powerless helpless victims, while encouraging women to feel empowered and be independent…. or railing against the patriarchy, before running to government the most patriarchal institution that ever existed…..
> We’re often portrayed as just being pretty holes for someone to put their dick in…
Only in shallow, tacky forms of media like pop songs or sexy magazines…… and men are portrayed in EXACTLY the same way in these forms of media …. as walking dildos, or walking wallets.
Let’s have some fun, this beat is sick
I wanna take a ride on your disco stick
Let’s have some fun, this beat is sick
I wanna take a ride on your disco stick
Lady GaGa – Love Games
>…. there isn’t a terrible amount of regard to our pleasure or the fact that women even enjoy sex at all – because that doesn’t seem to matter.
You’re kidding right?
Women’s pleasure (sexual or otherwise) is central to our society. Every day we are bombarded with messages promoting women’s god given right to experience orgasmic pleasure all day long from men, from shampoos, from hot beverages, from soft luxurious clothing, from cosmetics, from perfumes, from soft furnishings, from lotions, from trinkets, from holidays in the sun, from food…..
What is more socially acceptable – a woman accidentally pulling a vibrator out of her bag, or a man accidentally pulling out a porno mag….. or a rubber vagina? Which sex is shamed and ridiculed and which sex is celebrated and championed for choosing to pleasure themselves?
Who recently tried to get a ban on ‘female’ sex dolls? Was it feminists by any chance? Who recently tried to get topless women banned from page 3 of The Sun?
> So really we take more issue with the refusal to acknowledge that we are sexually empowered all on our own
Women have far more legal rights and more entitlements than men when it comes to sexual/ reproductive behaviour. Women’s sexuality is often objectified but it is still celebrated and catered to …. meanwhile men’s sexuality is often criminalised, ridiculed and punished.
Men’s sexuality and sexual behaviour is only deemed socially acceptable if men fulfil a very narrow range of obligations….. (a) the financial support of women (b) the pleasuring of women.
Meanwhile women’s freedom to express sexuality is NOT conditional on giving men financial support or pleasure. If a woman fails to be sexually aroused it is the man’s fault. But if a man fails to get hard it is also his fault. He has failed to ‘perform his service’ as a man. There is no question that the woman has failed to get him hard, because women are under no social obligation to arouse or pleasure men. It is a man’s duty to ensure both his own and his partner’s sexual satisfaction. He for she.
> If anything we love sex so much that we hate how wrong the media gets it, we care about the way our sexuality is presented to the public because it’s so important.
The way sex and sexuality is presented in the media and in society as a whole is AT LEAST 50% down to how women choose to present themselves and their sexuality. But feminists always deny women’s agency and in doing so reduce women to the level of ‘acted upon objects’. Every day millions of women CHOOSE to portray their sexuality in ways that probably annoy you and perhaps make you feel uncomfortable. It is unfair to blame men for the choices other women make. It is also belittling and disempowering to women to blame men for the choices other women make.
I do actually agree that women are held down, or held back, in society …. I think every woman FEELS this. But what is frustrating is that this addiction to blaming men and defining women as an ‘acted upon’ victims is the very thing which is holding women back and keeping women down. It is an addiction because it offers so many rewards (sympathy, protection, lack of accountability, free stuff, special treatment etc)… but it is ultimately a prison.
Feminism (and indeed patriarchy) defines women as having a status somewhere between children and adults. This provides many benefits, but it is ultimately a restriction. In the past the benefits outweighed the restrictions (life was tough, work meant manual labour, being a housewife was the best and only viable option for a woman at the time). But these days the benefits of a ‘he for she’ narrative are debatable, when you consider that advantages of being a truly independent .self actualised’ woman.
Most women accept that equality with men means a LOSS of female privilege in many areas. Feminists want to enjoy the status of adult, but while clinging to the status of child too. They want to have their cake and eat it.
Hence the enormous amount of frustration and angst … which they are encouraged to mistake for ‘oppression’ by those who control the feminist movement.
Interesting analysis, thanks for sharing your point of view. I encourage people to disagree with me and voice their own opinions and feelings just as I have voiced mine.
I identify as a feminist in my own way, I don’t actually follow the ideals of historic feminism now nor do I apply those ideals to my life because we no longer live in the environment to which first wave feminism came to life- it’s no longer relevant as our issues have changed. I mostly refer to worldwide feminism and not just Western feminism, however many of the comments I’ve received that are anti use Western feminist issues against me. Each point that I’ve gone into has come from genuine speculation from people I know or have encountered in some way – these are my reactions to said events and I’m afraid no amount of anti-feminist rationalisation can change my personal experiences and the experiences of others. At the end of the day I’m pro-sex, pro-equality, body positive and stand up for women who are suffering all over the world for being female. Do you mean to tell me that you don’t think the ‘feminism’ label encompasses those things? That seems to be your main concern, the use of the feminist label where you don’t think it applies? Correct me if I’m wrong.
The majority of modern day feminists don’t hate men, aren’t anti-sex and aren’t interested in stealing men’s sperm to make their babies (because they are sooo perfect, they’d naturally want to procreate with said sperm donors by force?) I think it’s awful that people like that exist and I don’t condone that at all, I for one have actually spoken up against extreme SJW/feminist types and would do so again if I found something to be extremist and unfair. You are clearly anti-feminist and I doubt that any argument I could have for the points you have raised (while valid and educational, seem to be extreme and seemingly uncommon finds) whereas I do think evidence to the millions of women who suffer at the hands of patriarchy across the globe seems much stronger. Just because I state that I love women more doesn’t automatically mean that I think men are lowly and slave like? I love both groups but I am more eager to defend women because – I don’t see how you can refute this either- worldwide, men oppress women more than the reverse. This is a fact. My own personal set of issues that I face pale in comparison to the issues of your average Afghani woman for example, for this I am grateful but I can believe that somebody would tell me that this hypothetical lady doesn’t need more support than her male counterpart? I’m also curious as to whom you think is controlling the feminist movement? The feminism that I refer to is not some sort of secret underground club where you have to wear a necklace made out of testicles of the men who’ve wronged you to enter. I stand up for women’s right not to be killed, raped or forcibly married simply because she is a woman, that’s that really. We all as men and women collectively have enough crap to deal with without one group having to fight the other too. I think it’s the same argument as the white/straight/cis privilege argument – of course white/straight/cis people get oppressed, raped, killed and attacked too – but not on the same scale as POC/LGBTQ folk do and probably not for the same reasons and that is privilege that only the white/straight/cis folk have. I would say it’s the same with women and men.
Thanks for sharing, you’ve definitely shown me in a little more depth how the opposition thinks and feels on the matter.
I love this so much lol 🙂