Bit of a personal rambling. One of my best friends is expecting. This is news that has affected me so much more than I thought it ever could – not just because I’m insanely happy for her but because it’s really changed how I feel about babies in general. I suppose to understand you would need to know my stance on offspring before all of this.
So I’ve never been the maternal type and that’s putting it mildly. I’ve always vowed not to have children and until very recently was certain I would never reproduce. The only babies or children I liked were those that I was related to – and even then it was more tolerate than really like. Children were the last thing I was interested in, they were so much worse than infants. I didn’t like their whiny voices, their crying and their constantly sticky fingers or runny noses. I hated their shrill tones seemingly emanating from every restaurant or public place – I mean really hated it, I don’t think I’ve ever experienced such a rage as when I hear a screaming brat in a nice restaurant. As for babies, although admittedly nowhere near as repulsive as children, they terrified me with their fragility and dependency. Holding my boyfriend’s new born nephew struck a fear into me that was unknown to me until that point, I froze and was frightened that if I moved I would drop this tiny little life and hurt him. Straight up terror.
Over the years my boyfriend and I have been together, I was exposed more and more to the youngsters in his family and am now at a point where not only am I comfortable but I really enjoy spending time with his niece and nephew. Watching them grow up and change so drastically has been really magical actually. Although I still wouldn’t say I was in any way ready to pop sprogs of my own. Upon the discovery that my best friend was going to be a momma I was in total shock as we had previously shared very similar views on children.
Ever since I found out I have been like a sponge of baby knowledge, sucking up every bit of information in complete awe at how her body and mind was changing. Each development milestone of unborn baby S filled me with excitement and wonderment. I can categorically say that seeing her go through all of this – with her incredibly supportive husband in tow- has really made me see how quickly impending motherhood prepares you and changes you. Without being offensive I probably didn’t think she’d be that great at making a human to begin with, as much like myself she’s very squeamish and adverse to doctors visits and so on, but she’s really blossomed and it’s as though all that other stuff just doesn’t matter now. I’d previously viewed motherhood as a little bit of a drab and somewhat horrific occupation with all the cleaning up and responsibility and the excrement but I’m really seeing it all in a different, much more beautiful light. Growing a person and then teaching them about the world so that they can go on to be a good person and do great things is pretty fucking amazing right? It’s so weird that I’m only just appreciating this – it’s like my very own national geographic style TV show but I can ask questions.
I feel as though having the honesty of this friend who holds none of gory details back has made me look forward to the day when I am ready to have a family of my own, whereas before I wasn’t sure that day would even come. Knowing that she is doing it and doing it well has made me see that there is hope for me yet! I’m so proud of them both and I seriously can’t wait to meet the little guy/girl when they finally arrive. In the meantime though when I’m not talking to her belly (it can hear now!) I’m doing my best to be as supportive and helpful as I can, in the only way I know how: making things. I’m currently dabbling in soap and cosmetics DIY and have this really cute image of sleepytime baby bath melts or little soaps. Anybody have any cute ideas for handmade gifts for a newborn? Please bear in mind that I cannot knit to save my life!